I have been mulling over this post for almost a year now – ridiculous I know! I mean what am I so afraid of? Being judged by strangers, upsetting those close to me, admitting to myself what past me used to be like, to be honest, probably all of the above. But whats the use of crying over spilt milk – or past events you have no power to change? I want to help end the stigma around Mental Health and I feel the best way to do that is to share my story.
Tuesday 13th June, 2017
Just over two years ago, in February 2015, I dropped out of my first A-Level school. I had moved there after my GCSE’s but, for various personal reasons, I ended up leaving prior to exams. My parents agreed to this with the understanding I would go back into education in the following September. I spent sixth months working with my Dad’s company, whilst trying to save myself from sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness.
Lo and behold August came around and I still had no plans for September. In a feat of desperation my father and I moved me up to live with his parents, my grandparents, in Ipswich, Suffolk, where I was to attend the local Ipswich School. I was hesitant about returning to education from the start, but I told myself that A-Levels were imperative and it was only two years.
Four months on and Christmas came around, already a very hard time of year for me, it was made harder by my constant inner battle about whether I would be able to continue in Ipswich to complete another 5 terms. Despite therapy, supportive friends and an extremely understanding school, I was slipping further and further away, spiralling into self-destruction. With the breakup of my inevitably doomed relationship pushing me closer to the edge, I knew that this was do or die for me. I either found the will and the strength to go on, or I couldn’t go on. With suicidal thoughts poisoning my mind and self-harm replacing homework as my evening avocation, I had to find the part of me that wanted to live and I had to, at any cost, hold onto it.
Happy Lifestyle Happy Living 